Pray

Ever since I arrived here I would pray before meals. Speaking of God in personal terms and as Father attracted my neighbors to listen and then they began requesting me to pray: for a neighbor to become pregnant, for a husband to stop drinking, for bad knees, for a job, for a way out of debt, for stolen gold to be returned, for the evil spirits to leave their house...

So I prayed and prayed feeling the honor and responsibility of such requests.

But began to wonder if I had wrong motives or a false hope that maybe a miracle would lead them to faith or give more clout to me and my message in the city.

"Even after Jesus had performed so many signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him." John 12:37

The final verse in the story of the Rich man and Lazarus is so eye opening: “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’ ”

Luke 16:31 

As I began studying Jesus miracles, I contemplated how often he told those he healed to tell no one and how he also led some outside the city to heal them. "He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village." Mark 8:23

It doesn't appear he was trying to prove anything or convince anyone. He was just being and sharing all he had from the Father.

I began to realize how we all want to pray when we feel there is a genie in a bottle to let out. 

We all want to pray when we're in a problem outside of our control. We need to feel their is hope. We all want to see our wills done, and we all want our own names lifted up. 

While Jesus said to present our requests and ask for our daily bread, he also said to pray the Father's will be done on earth as it is in heaven. So I began encouraging people to think how they could seek God's will. Rather than, just running to him for their one request which they think will solve all their problems. 

A pastor summed it up nicely for me. "When we pray we shouldn't be reaching for the things in the hand of God, but rather reaching for His hand."

While encouraging people to seek the will of God, I also knew I wanted to be able to pray in faith for those things which he promised.

I wondered if my hesitancy came from a perceived lack in Jesus' ability, a doubt in His desire, or just a lack of my faith.

When the disciples couldn't drive out an evil spirit Jesus said it was because of there lack of faith  (Matthew 17:14-21). I don't want to have a lack of faith but surely can't treat God like a vending machine either.

I began thinking about how could I pray as if I were the woman who pushed through the crowds to touch the hem of Jesus cloak in faith. Pushing past doubt, fear, perception, and leaving all results in his hand.