Shame

In working with Arabs the last 8 years, I knew well the honor/shame culture. I was an observer. But for the first time in the last couple of months I really felt what it means to live under it. I took a job selling coffee, ice cream, and Raman noodles. 

In working with Arab refugees in the States, I knew how hard it was to help them get a job. They didn't have English and the jobs that didn't require English were often below them like cleaning hotel rooms. 

I tried to reassure them that anyone who worked in America was respected regardless of the job much more so than living off of well fare. (Though I have sensed a cultural shift in America taking place in this and now one is almost considered foolish to not take advantage where they can, it no longer being a thing of honor). Everything an Arab is raised with said this view not the case, and they were still surrounded by some from their own culture who would certainly ask about their job and most likely raise eyebrows over certain jobs.

With most of my English classes being at night here in Jordan, I wanted a morning job to get me going and that would allow me to meet more people. 

So here I found myself at 7:20am rolling up the door to an ice cream shop, as I watched teachers with my same degree walking into the girls school across the street. I was working for a man who never finished the 6th grade, and we were lucky if in the day the store made one dinar an hour.

I picked up trash in front of the shop and tried to ignore my ears turning red.

It wasn't just about the girls and teachers who saw me working, but about everyone they would go home and tell and what there thoughts would be.

Depending on which cultural background you're coming from it could seem like no big deal. I found that in the culture I am living in there are 2 things that would keep most women from taking this job.

1. It's below them.

2. It's culturally looked down upon for a woman to go into most shops in the market in my city, much less work in one, because despite being in front of the girls school and most of the clientele being girls there is still the possibility of a man entering. 

I felt a little better that the 2 shops beside me were run by women, but

I would think 5 or 6 times before telling some of my friends, students, and neighbors that I was working in a shop and then sometimes decide not to.

I all of a sudden could relate to this feeling that enslaves.

I thought I could find another girl in need of a job and work alongside her, training her in my place. I didn't realize how impossible it would be to find someone to take the job. I thought desperate circumstances would be enough encouragement to prompt people to work. 

It was a wake up call when I found one of my friends in another city couldn't afford the cheapest commodity i.e. bread every day, and her 13 year old son had dropped out of school to pick up random day labor jobs, but she couldn't get past the stigma and perceived difficulties of working outside the home. 

Debtors prison was threatening one of my friend's daughters who was working to provide for the family, but the mom couldn't even walk into a shop much less work in one. 

The hardest thing about cultural pressure is it makes you question what is "right". For me it can be particularly tricky, they give me more liberty and grace as a foreigner because they know we don't live by the same rules. But I try to live for Jesus, and don't want to bring a bad image to His name nor obstacles before the people. It leaves me questioning what cultural traditions I should come under to keep them from stumbling, but also which ones I could do some good by challenging. 

I felt the weight but as a foreigner, I knew I still had it much better than most in this small city. I didn't have to worry about bringing shame on the family name, nor about the job effecting my "marrigability".

So in my month commitment, I got to meet a lot of girls, gain new opportunities for teaching, pick up trash and encourage the girls to do the same, learn a lot about the difficulties of business in Jordan and thus feel more compassion for small business owners, relate/ feel more consideration for those under cultural shame, and share the gospel with my co-workers.

What everyone who watched me this month took away may have been very different things, and while I made no promises to continue working I did take with me the key.

So if you'd like some ice cream... :D